Take Charge Of Your Emotions 

Think of emotions like an ocean. Often, they come in waves. Sometimes, these waves feel familiar, like the waves that ebb and flow on the beach. Other times, these waves can feel overwhelming, like a tsunami. The way we experience emotions, both positive and negative, is natural. Just as waves change with the tide, our emotions change throughout the day. While we may not always have control over the events that trigger certain emotions (e.g., anger, sadness, irritability, etc.), we can regulate our responses to these events. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage emotions in response to a situation. Essentially, emotional regulation is keeping your emotions in check. Emotional regulation is not avoiding or dismissing emotions; rather, it is allowing oneself the opportunity to respond more clearly when faced with emotional situations.

Controlling your emotions seems to be easier said than done. Yet, emotional regulation is an essential skill, one we have been learning and practicing since infancy. Just like any other skill, learning to regulate your emotions takes time and effort. Here, we will discuss regulation strategies and tips to aid in controlling emotions.

Emotional regulation can be broken down into two major strategies: cognitive reappraisal and expressive suppression.

Cognitive reappraisal

First, let’s break down the phrase “cognitive reappraisal.” Cognition can be described as the thought processes that guide our behaviors. Reappraisal means to reevaluate something differently. Thus, cognitive reappraisal simply means to reevaluate our thoughts about a situation in a way that changes our emotional response. Oftentimes, when we are upset, we tend to fall into a negative feedback loop where one negative thought creates another, and so on. Cognitive reappraisal works by preventing this feedback loop from forming. Cognitive reappraisal is an antecedent-focused method; meaning, it aims to take effect before an emotional response.

Let’s consider an example:

You are driving to work one morning and another driver pulls closely in front of you, forcing you to press on your brakes. Feelings of anger start to arise— they could have caused an accident! You could have been hurt! Out of frustration, you speed up and follow closely behind them. By the time you get to work, you are fuming.

How do you think the rest of your day will go? If you continue in this negative feedback loop, I would venture to guess that you will probably have a bad day.

Now, let’s reconsider this situation using cognitive reappraisal.

You are driving to work one morning and another driver pulls closely in front of you, forcing you to press on your brakes. Before you let your anger form, you take a moment to evaluate the situation. Maybe they are a teenage driver, still learning how to switch lanes? Or maybe they are flustered because they are running late to work? Now that you have considered these options, it is difficult to be angry. By the time you get to work, you have probably forgotten the situation even happened.

By preventing the negative feedback loop, you have allowed yourself the opportunity to continue through your day unaffected.

According to research, cognitive reappraisal is the most effective strategy for regulating emotions. Researchers cite cognitive reappraisal as having a significant impact on both positive and negative emotions, as well as overall psychological health (Troy et al., 2018). However, some researchers suggest that cognitive reappraisal may be difficult for some to deploy because of the various cognitive systems involved. Although it may take practice to develop cognitive reappraisal, its psychological and emotional benefits seem worth the energy.

Expressive Suppression

Think of expressive suppression as an elaborate way of saying “bottling things up.” Oftentimes, when faced with an emotional situation, we downplay or dismiss our emotions. However, these emotions normally do not just disappear; instead, the more we ignore them, the more intense they become. If we bottle up our emotions enough, eventually, it becomes too much to bear— resulting in lashing out at oneself or others. For example, if you are angry with your sister and choose not to confront the anger, it may lead to an emotional outburst.

Emotions are signals we use to communicate to others about how we are feeling; thus, emotions are meant to be addressed. By suppressing our emotions, we disadvantage ourselves. Studies show that relying on expressive suppression can be damaging to an individual’s psychological health, physical health, memory, and self-esteem.

Tips for Regulating Emotions:

Positive Self-Talk / Self-Compassion

Our internal dialogue, or the little voice inside our head, can greatly impact our emotions. If we tell ourselves negative things, we are feeding our negative emotions. If we are upset and telling ourselves “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do anything right,” we are weighing ourselves down with negativity. Instead, in emotional moments, we should lift ourselves through positive self-talk and self-compassion. Self-compassion can be shown through positive affirmations, reminding yourself of your talents and successes, listing gratitude, practicing forgiveness, and meditation.

Mindfulness / Self-Awareness

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of one’s internal and external conditions. Mindfulness and self-awareness tend to go together, as mindfulness involves staying alert of one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. Common mindfulness strategies include breath work, which aims to control the breath, and sensory relaxation, which focuses on using sensations such as light and sound to calm the mind. Mindfulness has significant links to increased psychological and emotional health, as well as physical health.

The STOPP method

Through its use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, STOPP is an effective acronym to keep in mind when intense emotions start to arise.

S— Stop;

Pause for a moment.

T— Take a breath;

Focus on the rise and fall of your chest.

O— Observe;

What triggered this response? How is your body feeling? What thoughts are coming in?

P— Pull back;

What different ways can you look at this situation? In six months, will this situation be important? Does this situation warrant an intense reaction?

P— Practice what works;

What is an effective response to this situation? How can I express myself without causing harm to myself or others? How can I incorporate other emotional regulation skills into my response?

As mentioned previously, emotional regulation can seem difficult; sometimes, it may feel easier to respond in intense or unproductive ways. We may find ourselves turning to unhealthy regulation techniques (e.g., drinking, drug use, avoidance, etc.) out of habit or comfort. However, you already possess the tools needed for achieving healthy emotional regulation. All you must do is get to work!

I want to stress that it is natural to feel emotions. It is a part of life to feel hurt, or angry, or sad at times. Emotional regulation simply allows an individual the ability to exert control over how their emotions affect them and others.

Remember, just as the tide determines the strength of the waves, you dictate the power your emotions have on you.

By Missy Boyanton, Content Research Intern

References:

Ackerman, C. E. (2021). 21 emotional regulation worksheets & strategies. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation-worksheets-strategies-dbt-skills/

Chowdhury, M. R. (2021). What is emotional regulation? PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation/

Five emotional regulation skills. (n.d.). Manhattan Mental Health Counseling. https://manhattanmentalhealthcounseling.com/5-emotional-regulation-skills/

Kelley, N. J., Glazer, J. E., Pornpattananangkul, N., & Nusslock, R. (2018). Reappraisal and suppression emotion-regulation tendencies differentially predict reward-responsivity and psychological well-being. Biological Psychology, 140, 35-47. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2018.11.005

Troy, A. S., Shallcross, A. J., Brunner, A., Friedman, R., & Jones, M. C. (2018). Cognitive reappraisal and acceptance: Effects on emotion, physiology, and perceived cognitive costs. Emotion (Washington, D.C.), 18(1), 58-74. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000371